It's Bass Fishing With Congressman Billy Long

We are on Table Rock Lake today fishing with Congressman Billy Long. Long is a long-time angler who often uses the sport to cover up high stakes poker games at the Beau Rivage, a real fishing tale if you know what I mean. So let's throw out a few lines and see what we come up with.

Host: "We are going to be fishing with a topwater lure today--the famous Devil Horse by Smithwick."

Congressman Long: "Washington is great. Did you know a lobbyist stopped by my office with a whole case of fishing tackle and all I had to do is push the green button and they were all mine.

Host: So Congressman Long, tell me about your technique.

Long: Well, I am going to throw the Devils Horse just outside of that brush, and I am going to yank it to simulate an injured minnow. The noise of the struggle will attract the fish, not to mention I sprayed on the lure my homemade stink, which has been known to clear the entire 15th floor of the Longworth Office building when I am cooking. Heck, just last week the DEA raided the office building thinking I was one of those Merriam Woods methheads cooking in my office.

Host: Well that's some story there Congressman Long. Let's focus the camera on the lure as Congressman Long describes yanking his own pole.

Congressman Long: Oh look, I got one. Oh this ones fighting like Obama fighting my freshman buddies standing up to his big intrusive government agenda.

Host: But Congressman Long you voted for the Patriot Act. Doesn't Obama support that big intrusive government agenda?

Congressman Long: I just do what John Boehner tells me to do. I'm too busy fishin' and gamblin' to actually read anything that gets put on my desk. (Congressman Long reels the fish in.) That's why I hired Curtis for. I don't know what Curtis is saying after he reads these things, but at least someone is reading them.

Host: That's a nice sized largemouth there Congressman Long.

Congressman Long: Yup, but it's still smaller than Obama's budget. They placed that on my desk earlier this week, and the first thing I thought was that sucker is bigger than any bass I ever caught. I even tweeted that. My constituents think I know what I am talking about thanks to Twitter. Whoever said you can't fool most of the people all the time was wrong. I mean look at me, I got elected.

Host: Well that's very interesting Congressman Long. You are really giving us good insight into the truth of Washington DC today. Why don't you tspray some more of that stink bait on your lure and make another cast before we have to sign off today.

Congressman Long: Oh sure. (Congressman Long flips his pole and casts in the same direction.) I think I got another one. (This time there is NO FIGHT.)

Host: Congressman Long, what have you caught? Oh it looks like a perch. How did you manage to land a perch using a Devils Horse?

Congressman Long looks puzzled.

This perch is bigger than the GOP's budget cuts
Billy Long brags about.

Host: Well, on that note, I have seen your budget cuts Mr. Long, and the paper they are printed on don't even add up to the weight of that little perch you just caught.

Congressman Long gives a disgusted look in the direction of the host.

Host: So much for being fed up, right Congressman? So until next week, keep fishing the Ozarks. Thanks for joining us today.